Archive for October, 2008

The old year was driven away last night, with drum and horn and brazen rattle.  The feast fueled our merriment, and the fire lit the night.  It felt like new beginnings….and a light against the fear!  The Harvest Dolls, imbued with all the glorious joy of plenty and harvest, were sent home with guests.  May their sweetness linger thru the winter’s long night.

So be it!

But not from me.  Someone said it much better than I could say it.

Do go read, please.  You just might be inspired!

http://pecunium.livejournal.com/357412.html?view=2953764#t2953764

And as for me, now that my Samhain is over, my New Year begins….resolutions, exercise, and all that stuff.  And catching up on sleep!

The weekly list of names released.  Of course, these are only the American (and sometimes Coalition ) dead.  Oddly, in these countries where we are “building democracy” our local allies in the Iraqi forces and Afghani forces (even interpreters who frequently are killed), the names of those men never reach America.  So, while you consider the list of the dead—please do not forget the nameless soldiers who may have died alongside them, for their own countries.

Spc. Deon L. Taylor, 30, of Bronx, N.Y., Army – Afghanistan – IED

Cpl. Adrian Robles, 21, of Scottsbluff, Neb., Marine – Afghanistan -combat ops

Lance Cpl. San Sim, 23, of Santa Ana, Calif. – Marine – Afghanistan -combat ops

Staff Sgt. Brian P. Hause, 29, of Stoystown, Pa. – Air Force – Iraq – non-combat causes

Pfc. Cody J. Eggleston  (Army), 21, of Eugene, Ore., died Oct. 24 at the National in Bethesda, Maryland, of wounds suffered on October 16 in Baqubah, Iraq, when he received indirect fire.

Sgt. Nicholas A. Casey, 22, of Canton, Ohio, Army (SF)  Afghanistan – suicide bomber

Sgt. Kevin D. Grieco, 35, of Bartlett, Ill. – Army – Afghanistan – suicide bomber

1st Lt. Trevor J. Yurista, 32, of Pleasant Valley, N.Y Marine – Afghanistan – combat ops

Tonight is the New Moon, the sky is a perfect expanse of black with sparkly rhinestone stars.  And tomorrow I will have to put up the newest list released.  But a yearly task of remembering the dead was the occasion tonight.

I laid a bed of charcoal and burned fragrant coffee beans for the dead Iraqi and Afghani allies whose names never make the American press.

Then I poured whiskey in a big iron cauldron that would hold three gallons of liquid if full, and attempted to light it  afire.  It refused to ignite.  We added something higher octane to coax the flames.  I guess 80 proof is not sufficiently comforting to the spirits whose names I recited once it began to burn?

Tonight was the once a year when the entire list since last Oct 31st is read aloud–this year with a tone of the bell for each name.  I don’t know how many there are, I read them from a roll of hand-written names on adding machine paper. I don’t want to know the year’s count.  I was reading a long time.  And then I walked the Labyrinth again singing to them….surely their families all miss them more than I possibly could, having never met them.  But all the same, my heart feels hollow.

They do want to steal the election again, folks.  I could give many examples…but will let you all google that little bonanza for yourselves.

I just want to say, voting day IS on November 4th!  Even in VIRGINIA, where this piece of shit lie is making the rounds!(hat-tip to Brilliant at Breakfast!)  They NEVER have a second day of voting because of crowds, people.  DO NOT buy into this lie to keep your vote from counting.

Listening to the news this weekend in between bouts of harvesting various berries to make the last of the jellies and jams of the year, a phrase caught in my mind like pine needles in my hair.

“If Obama becomes President, one of his biggest tasks will be defending America against another terrorist attack.”

Not to sound like Saturday Night Live too entirely, but REALLY??!

Seriously?  Is this brand of bullshit going to go on being sold forever?  Why are journalists still doing this, still applying the carnuba wax to the George Bush assiness of American life?  Go on, you hacks, you must want to do a Rudy and just scream “911!!” with all the amplification your station can maintain.

With the election so close and the markets of the world tumbling like jacks tossed by five year olds, isn’t it time for some truth?  Isn’t it time to say that if America stopped acting like a  swaggering bully in the world, the rest of the world would be happy to ignore us for the peace of being left the hell alone BY us?  Especially those terrorist places where we keep launching missiles that kill civilians, for instance?

Oh, and the starving Afghan farmers who are selling their eight year old daughters to live another month, and planting poppies in desperation—do you really think they are capable of launching the attack they might like upon us?   Some provinces of Afghanistan may see 80% of the population DIE this winter of hunger and exposure.  And our journalists and some politicians are beating the exhausted and dying horse of “another terrorist attack”?

Give me a break.  Al Queda wants McCain elected, his continued policies reeking of imperialism and stupidity validate their position as heroes of the Islamic world being put under an American boot.  FDR had it right, folks, the only thing we really have to fear IS fear itself.  Because it makes us do stupid reactive things that propigate the hate and chaos being used to stoke the flames of our own dread.

Stop acting like sheep!  Grow some balls and get some courage.  Refuse to be frightened into line.  Take back America and start setting things to right instead of being turned into wage slaves and mercenaries for the wealthy few. Don’t keep buying the lie and covering your eyes.

I had trouble sleeping last night.  So, I tossed restlessly and occasionally got out of bed to pace through my house thinking.  It is usually a bad idea for me to be up late at night thinking.  And when I do grab sleep on such nights, I tend to dream I am thinking.  Then I rise in the morning and dump my thoughts on unfortunate readers.  Woe, woe, woe is you.

The title of this post is the thought that stayed in my head from my exhausted late night wanderings and dreamings.  As all things of hypnogogic wonder are—it seemed perfectly clear last night, but fogged this morning.  Morning is like re-constructing a cat-crashed Lincoln log house while blind-folded.

Religion is like sex in that the premise seems to  offer love and ecstacy in the beginning.  All the unhappy things of your life fall away in the sunlit promise of a new way out of life’s tangle of unfortunate events.  You won’t be unhappy if you follow the will of God….or the Gods.  Right?  The problem is, those divinities don’t seem to speak English, or whatever language it is you speak.

So, whether one is following one of the world’s great orthodoxies—the “big five” (Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism) or a officially heterodox path like my own paganism, getting the dance steps down is the problem.  The Big Five have a solution to this—the dance masters known as ministers, priests, imams, monks and such.  They tell the faithful lovers how to act, what to do, what to believe.  The problem, of course is, how does one know that what they say is the will of any deity?

Americans feel pretty comfortable laughing and pointing at an Iranian imam who says Allah told him that America is the “great Satan”, but they don’t seem to notice it is likewise unlikely that God actually wants you to “put your hand on the television screen” and get out the checkbook.  Theocracy far away looks like a bad idea to us oh-so-democratic-republic sorts; but we seem to not notice when certain dance masters HERE try calling a tune most of us won’t like when our legs are falling off down the road.

Those dance masters are  human and oh so fallible, they like the feeling of power of controlling others.  And they are not doing it for any deity, but for their own purposes and security.  The may call it theocracy when Iran or Afghanistan does it, but trust me, it is rule of men…not by any god.  Can anyone really believe any deity that created and entrusted humans with life and a planet would order war for religious reasons, for instance?

In the pre-monotheistic world of the past, war for religious reasons simply did not happen.  Only when monotheism reared its jealous and angry head did it suddenly become ok to slaughter in the name of God.  And nothing motivates people in a world of misery quite so well, apparently, as telling them a better existence awaits if they only do “right” in this vale of tears.  Of course, I do not believe the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are real religious wars; but it is the underlying whip sending hordes into action.  It is the spur driven into a dying horse and bloodying the living.

So does my pagan path make me feel superior and safe?  No, not entirely.  Some pagan traditions have equivilants: high priests and priestesses, godis, shamans,  and others who will willingly call the tune.  And some of these clergy members are driven by the same insecurities and need to control as their more orthodox contemporaries.  But, the pagan traditions overall, do tend to insist that it is not the priest who runs the religion—but the believer.  There is an insistence on personal responsibility not only for every action taken in life, but for communication with the divine.  A well-grounded pagan of any stripe should not be expecting to have the mystery spoon-fed to them.  That priest is the facilitator only, not the provider of ultimate truth.

As a pagan who claims no one tradition, but like Nor’western chefs, practices a fusion of beliefs and pantheons, I readily admit that it is hard going.  I take a lot of cosmic “clue by fours” to the brainpan before I go “Oh…eureka!” with any confidence.  Because you see, the brake on my train of thought is Fear.  Fear of believing the same kind of stupidities and petty cruelties I see in other religious traditions.  If a Christian can believe it is right to sacrifice a young woman to save a non-viable fetus, for example, because of some message from their God—-how can I be certain that I won’t fall into the same egregious error, violating all mercy and common sense?  If some fanatic Moslem can forget the Koran’s injunction against killing innocents to strap a bomb onto a young woman’s body—-how can I feel sure before committing an act of magic that I am not doing something equally bloody intentioned?

So yes, most of us have been in “love.”  Most of us have done stupid things for “love.”  And sometimes love was all sex and not love—we did anything that came to mind to achieve those  moments of bliss between the sheets.  Consequences later don’t ever occur to the would be lover.

Being in love with a god, any divine, is so much more dangerous, because human dimensions of pain and sorrow seem reduced in such an “elevated” focus.  And being putty in the hands of a clergy member telling you what your Beloved  deity wants of you?  Your religion-driven action, which may hurt people you never even meet, could be to provide that screaming evangelist his/her moment of power bliss beneath the religious sheets: that needs even more proof and thought!  A politician wrapping ambitions in the clothing of sanctity and religion is more dangerous still.

I run my personal ethical program by a non-religious standard.  I may love my Gods, but I also love the species of my birth enough to tell my Gods, if they have horrors and destruction in mind—they are big enough to do it themselves.  I was not born to be a tool or weapon for other hands—human or divine.  Even this old pagan-heathen-tree-hugger knows, one must be careful to know the difference between following a heart in love and simply being fucked.   I hope, as flags are waved and “love” of God is spoken about so persistently, that other Americans are similarly self-determining and self-responsible on November 4th, regardless what they consider holy and what deity they love.  Think sharp!

Please pardon the dust…..this site is being rebuilt, updated and organized.  There may be few posts for the next week other than the lists of the dead.  Do post comments to whatever post is at head of column to tell us of any ‘working’ issues, please.

Time again to list the dead service members whose names have been released.  My sympathies to their beloved friends and families, as always.

Pfc. Christopher A. McCraw, 23, of Columbia, Miss – Army – Iraq – small arms fire

Spc. Cory J. Bertrand, 18, of Center, Texas – Army – Afghanistan – IED

Spc. Stephen R. Fortunato, 25, of Danvers, Mass. Army – Afghanistan – IED

Sgt. Preston R. Medley, 23, of Baker, Fla. – Army – Afghanistan – IED

Sgt. John M. Penich, 25, of Beach Park, Ill. – Army – Afghanistan – indirect fire

Sgt. Federico G. Borjas, 33, of San Diego, Calif., Army – Afghanistan – small arms fire

Spc. Justin A. Saint, 22, of Albertville, Ala. – Army – Iraq – non-combat cause

Pfc. Heath K. Pickard, 21, of Palestine, Texas,  Army – Iraq – indirect fire

Capt. Robert D. Lindenau, 39, of Camano Island, Wash. – Army – Afghanistan – RPG

(Edit) Late release…this young woman died on the 19th of Oct:

Lance Cpl. Stacy A. Dryden, 22, of North Canton, Ohio, – Marine – Iraq – non-hostile incident

And other coalition members:

Trooper James Munday of the UK, killed by hostile fire in Afghanistan

And two German paratroopers were killed in Afghanistan by a suicide bomber.

Patrick Behlke

Roman Schmidt

I think these are first names  and the listing will be corrected later, I hope.

This is a personal sort of post, not a political rant.  It is the season of year that always leads to introspection and putting myself on a fire like a heathen St. Lawrence. I like to look at my life  now and then and make sure I am  still worth space on the planet.

I am a loud sort of person.  People who like me call me “earthy” sometimes.  People who don’t call me a crude bitch.  I’d really like to say I am at peace with either label, but the truth is, I am not totally happy to be called a bitch for merely being real and saying what I feel needs said.  But calling me a bitch surely will not shut me up.

That said, I do sometimes just want to shut up and curl up in a quiet corner.  Winter often makes me feel that way.  And a few nights ago, I had a dream of a sort uncommon at this stage of my life.  As I began the intiatiatory experiences that shaped my personal spiritual life, more than twenty years ago, I had a number of dreams that involved me being pursued by people or monsters of some sort attempting to kill me.  I ran, I waited, I ambushed and killed THEM, eliminating the threat to me and my family in the dream.  Jung would say I was fighting my own “shadows” and I am sure that was at least a part of it.  But that time has passed.  Such dreams are no regular repertoire now.

So, in the recent dream, attack again….and I am losing the battle against my attackers, they drag me before their obvious boss.  I am certain I am about to die and feel only peace and relief because I am tired and hurting.  I ask him why he wants me dead.  And the answer is that “Your noise annoys me.”  The sense was not of mere literal noise…my words, my singing, my laughter or swearing….but that my entire life was “noise” to him.

I don’t know what this dream means.   But it shook me.  Perhaps it is time for a quiet break?  Perhaps that is giving in wrongly?  How does one know with certainty that continuing to continue is the right thing to do?  There really are a lot of things I would go on screaming aloud about even if in a waking state it meant my imminent destruction.  And we don’t live in a society that allows me to speak softly (or not at all) and carry and smack anyone with the proverbial ‘big stick’ do we?

So, I guess I shall have to just keep being noisy.  If dreams are ever more than dreams….well, drink Guinness at my wake!