A good bookkeeper has to be honest, and look for mistakes even if she or he hopes there are none.  I keep the names of those who have died in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and it has been a work in progress.  At first, I kept only the names of Americans killed in Iraq.  But then, realizing that men had been dying in Afghanistan for two years before we even went to Iraq, I played catch-up as well as I could.  And finally, I added the names of the many Coalition troops from around the world.  But every time I checked data in a book I found I had missed names.

My most recent self-audit using the new Google map site was no different.  I discovered many names I had missed.  I completely discarded the books of years 2001 through 2006 and re-wrote them all in one huge leather-covered volume.  I began work on this last Wednesday and have spent eight to twelve hours a day here at the computer since.  Would that the one site would be perfection, but it is not.  I have to check against two or three other sites for various reasons.

The mapthefallen.org site has numerous issues still.  It scrambles Hispanic and other complicated names that don’t fit the John Q. Normal name pattern, only my memory of how the names should have been cued me to find the correct spelling and order so I could get the details of the death correct in my books.  Also, the pictures are not accurate, particularly for the Coalition nations aside from the US—a single blonde male will appear for three Nordic names!  And I discovered a couple glaring errors in the date of death for some soldiers; the new correction program is very cumbersome indeed and I did not have time to negotiate it for every mangled Hispanic name or wrong photograph.

Still, with the help of this new site, I have the most complete list ever.  After completely re-writing the first six years worth of names, I then edited 2007’s little day by day journal and rapidly checked the 2008 journal for missed names.  There were a few, but fewer than the earlier years since I have built a stock of “where to look”.  My 2009 book is going very well indeed in terms of accuracy.

But it was the most draining and tiring thing I have ever done in my life.  I had not originally written down the cause of death for each troop lost….doing so painted a vivid picture of the wars in my mind.

The words “Anbar Province” have become synonymous with the words “meat grinder” in my head—so many Marines have bled on that piece of property that by all rights, the sand should be forever red.

And I have learned some things:

Unlike in movies, tanks are not safe zones: IEDs (improvised explosive devices) still kill you…and so does small arms fire.  The gunners at the top are very vulnerable. And a vehicle that is called the “Mine Proof” vehicle?  There is something wrong with it being mangled by IEDs and leaving dead troops in it’s wake.

Military vehicles have no seatbelts—rollovers KILL people.  And rolling into water is very deadly.  For desert nations, there are a lot of very real water hazards for our troops.

The news media reports every time soldiers at a checkpoint kill a civilian; but do they report how many men die at checkpoints when run over, shot or blown up BY civilians?  We also hear about it when a military vehicle hits a civilian.  But have you heard of all the vehicle rollovers and soldier deaths when the driver whipped the steering wheel to avoid a civilian vehicle?

My fingers tingle, my wrists ache.  I filled my fountain pen more times than I can count and am stained with blue ink.  My heart is more full than the pen could ever be….and come Nov 11th….the one-time, ” Armistice Day”  I will read the entire list of more than 5700 names at the Labyrinth, just for all the ones I have somehow missed calling from that sacred spot until now.  Until then, I hold those names of the fallen in my books, on strings of bright beads strung to count them, and in my head….tumbling ’round like song lyrics.  My eyes hold the many pictures, the beauty of my people of my world: beauty we have spent and lost in blood and shattered bone.