And as any of you who read routinely know, I am driven half mad by the impossibility of finding the names of veterans and service members who have died by their own hands following their war service. I only find names by chance in newspaper articles, but here are a few found recently:

Timothy Juneman
Tim Nelson
Orrin McClellan
All three of these men were from Washington state, all suffered from PTSD and were apparently failed by the VA. Juneman and Nelson died in 2008, McClellan died this year. My sympathies to their loved ones.

Adam Wehinger, of Oregon, died this year in an apparent suicide-by-cop in Oregon. He had been very distressed and drinking heavily for some time. Again, my sympathy to his family and loved ones; suicide is traumatic enough without it being a shooting in the streets.

And active duty deaths in the war zones:

US Army Sgt Jordan E. Tuttle, 22, of West Monroe, Louisiana, died in Iraq on July 2 in a non-hostile incident.

US Army PFC. David Jefferson, 23, of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, died July 2 in Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device exploded.

US Army PFC Jacob A. Dennis, 22, of Powder Springs, Ga., died July 3 at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, Landstuhl, Germany, of injuries sustained June 30 in a weapons system accident in Afghanistan.

US Army Spc. Clayton D. McGarrah, 20, of Harrison, Ark., died July 4 in Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device and rocket-propelled grenade fire.

US Army Special Forces Sgt. Andrew J. Creighton, 23, of Laurel, Del., died July 4 in Afghanistan, of injuries sustained on July 1 while conducting combat operations .

US Army Spc. Louis R. Fastuca, 24, of West Chester, Pa., died July 5 in Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when his vehicle hit an improvised explosive device.

On July 5th, in Afghanistan, insurgents attacked an Army vehicle with an improvised explosive device killing two soldiers:

PFC. Edwin C. Wood, 18, of Omaha, Neb.
SSG. Christopher F. Cabacoy, 30, of Virginia Beach, Va.

On July 5, in Afghanistan, two US Army soldiers died of wounds from an IED:

Spc. Keenan A. Cooper, 19, of Wahpeton, N.D.
Spc. Jerod H. Osborne, 20, of Royse City, Texas.

On July 6, three soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.
died July 6 at Qalat, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked their vehicle with an improvised explosive device:

Staff Sgt. Marc A. Arizmendez, 30, of Anaheim, Calif.
Spc. Roger Lee, 26, of Monterey, Calif.
Pfc. Michael S. Pridham, 19, of Louisville, Ky.

US Army PFC. Anthony W. Simmons, 25, of Tallahassee, Fla., died July 8 in Afghanistan, when insurgents attacked his unit with indirect fire.

US Marine Lance Cpl. Daniel G. Raney, 21, of Pleasant View, Tenn., died July 9 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

US Army Spc. Robert W. Crow, 42, of Kansas City, Mo., died July 10 in Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his vehicle with an improvised explosive device.

US Army Spc. Carlos J. Negron, 40, of Fort Meyers, Fla., died July 10 in Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit with rifle and small arms fire.

US Army Sgt. Donald R. Edgerton, 33, of Murphy, N.C., died July 10 in Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device.

US Army Staff Sgt. Jesse W. Ainsworth, 24, of Dayton, Texas, died July 10 in Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device.

US Army Spc. Joseph W. Dimock II, 21, of Wildwood, Ill, died July 10 in Afghanistan, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident when an explosion occurred in an ammunition holding facility during an inventory.

US Marine Lance Cpl. Tyler A. Roads, 20, of Burney, Calif., died July 10 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

US Army Sgt. Shaun M. Mittler, 32, of Austin, Texas, died July 10 in Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when enemy forces attacked his unit using rocket-propelled grenade and small arms fires

US Marine Staff Sgt. Christopher J. Antonik, 29, of Crystal Lake, Ill., died July 11 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

Flags courtesy of ITA’s
Flags of All Countries used with permission.

British Trooper James A. Leverett, 20, of Sheffield, England was killed on July 5 in Afghanistan by an IED explosion.

British Pvt. Thomas Sephton, 20, of Warrington, England, died in Queen Elizabeth Hospital on July 5 from wounds received in Afghanistan in an IED explosion.

British Bombardier Samuel J. Robinson, 31, of Camarthen, Wales, was killed in Afghanistan on July 8 by an IED explosion.

British Marine David C. Hart, 23, of North Yorkshire, England, was killed in Afghanistan on July 8 by an IED explosion.

Australian Pvt. Nathan Bewes, 23, of Kogarah, New South Wales, was killed in Afghanistan on July 9 by an IED explosion.

French Sgt. Laurent Mosic, 38(home town unreported) died in Afghanistan on July 6 of wounds from an IED explosion.

British Marine Richard Hollingston, 23, of Hampshire, England, died on June 20 in Afghanistan due to wounds from an IED detonation.

US Army Spc. Scott A. Andrews, 21, of Fall River, Mass., died June 21 in Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated.

US Marine Lance Cpl. Timothy G. Serwinowski, 21, of North Tonawanda, N.Y., died June 21 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

US Army Spc. Jacob P. Dohrenwend, 20, of Milford, Ohio, died June 21 in Iraq, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident.

On 21 June, in Afghanistan, two US Army men died from wounds suffered when a suicide bomber attacked their unit:

PFC. David T. Miller, 19, of Wilton, N.Y.
Spc. Andrew R. Looney, 22, of Owasso, Okla.

On June 21, a helicopter crashed in Afghanistan, killing five men aboard:

US Army Sgt. Brandon Silk, 25, of Orono, Maine.
Canadian Sgt James P. McNeil, 28, of Nova Scotia, Canada
Australian Pvt. Benjamin A. Chuck, 27, of Queensland Australia
Australian Pvt. Timothy J. Aplin, 30
Australian Pvt. Scott T. Palmer, 27

British Marine Paul Warren, 23, of Preston, England died in Afghanistan as a result of hostile small arms fire on June 21.

British LCpl Michael Taylor, 30, of Rhyl, Wales died in Afghanistan on June 22 as a result of hostile small arms fire.

US Army 1st SGT. Eddie Turner, 41, of Fort Belvoir, Va., died June 22 in Afghanistan, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident.

US Marine Cpl. Claudio Patino IV, 22, of Yorba Linda, Calif., died June 22 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, when an IED exploded in Afghanistan.

US Marine Cpl. Kevin A. Cueto, 23, of San Jose, Calif., died June 22 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, when an IED exploded in Afghanistan.

US Marine Cpl. Joshua R. Dumaw, 23, of Spokane Valley, Wash., died June 22 while supporting combat operations , when an IED exploded in Afghanistan.

US Army PFC. Anthony T. Justesen, 22, of Wilsonville, Ore., died June 23 in Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated.

US Army Pfc. Russell E. Madden, 29, of Dayton, Ky., died June 23 in Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his vehicle with rocket fire.

British Army Sgt. Steven W. Darbyshire, 35, of Wigan, England, died on June 23 in Afghanistan in a firefight.

Two Romanian soldiers died June 23 in Afghanistan in an IED explosion . I do not have complete information on them yet:

Cpl. Paul Caracuda, 36
Sgt Maj. Dan Ciobotaru, 28

US Army Staff Sgt. Edwardo Loredo, 34, of Houston, Texas, died June 24 in Afghanistan, when insurgents attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device.

US Army Pfc. Robert K. L. Repkie, 20, of Knoxville, Tenn., died June 24 in Afghanistan, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident.

Two US Army soldiers died on June 25 in Afghanistan as a result of attack with RPG and small arms fire:
Spc. Blair D. Thompson, 19, of Rome, N.Y.
Spc. Jared C. Plunk, 27, of Stillwater, Okla.

US Marine Cpl. Daane A. Deboer, 24, of Ludington, Mich., died June 25 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

Four British Army men died on June 23 when their vehicle overturned:

Pvt Alex Isaac, 20 of Wirral, England
Pvt Douglas Halliday, 20 of Wallasey, England
LCpl David Ramsden, 26 of Leeds, England
Colour Sgt Martyn Horton, 34, of Runcorn, England

The moon wanes, the wars do not. The death count continues to rise, but news site interest seems to be waning, like the moon. Now, on some sites, you must KNOW the name to find the name. How’s that for a catch-22?

First, let me say I despise the changes in the CNN sites—all shiny and splashy and a piss poor version of the Google Maps version, but one cannot easily find the new names of the dead anymore; so it will become much more difficult for me to ascertain all the names are actually here week to week. (Edit: lists have been restored….as of June 7th…so I am updating with names I could not find before)

Especially the Coalition members, since the US DOD does not email those names to me. Please forgive my inaccuracies in the days ahead as I strive to find sources that will work. I also may not have ages and home place of the foreign troops….as I cannot always access them in a timely fashion by the search on the new fubar’d CNN sites. I am so sorry.

Second, word has come to me of a veteran’s suicide: on May 25, in San Antonio, Texas, Jeremy Ruiz shot himself to death, reportedly despondent over losing his civilian job. I do not know what his rank or service was, but he did two tours in Iraq.

Two Italian troops died in Afghanistan on 17 May, killed by an IED explosion:
*Sgt Massimiliano Ramadu, 33, Velletri Italy
*Cpl Luigi Pascazio, 27, Gruma Appule, italy

*Cpl Stephen Walker, 42, of Lisburn N. Ireland died in Afghanistan on May 21 when an IED exploded.

*Cpt. Crhistophe Barek-Deligny, 38 of Paris France died in Afghanistan on May 22 when his vehicle hit an IED, an unnamed interpreter died with him as did
*Cpl Luc Janzen, 25, of the Netherlands.

Trooper John Zuidema Rudd, 26, of Ontario, Canada died in Afghanistan on May 24 due to an IED explosion.

*Cpl Stephen P. Curley, 26 of Devon England died in Afghanistan on May 26 in an IED explosion.

*Gunner Zak Cusack, 20, of Stoke-on-Trent, England died in a firefight in Afghanistan on 26 May.

US Marine PFC Jake W. Suter, 18, of Los Angeles, Calif., died May 29 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan

US Marine Lance Cpl. Anthony A. Dilisio, 20, of Macomb, Mich., died May 30 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

US Army PFC Alvaro R. Regalado Sessarego, 37, of Virginia Beach, Va., died May 30 at Brooke Army Medical Center, Fort Sam Houston, Texas, of injuries sustained April 18 from a non-combat related incident at Dahuk, Iraq.

US Army Spc. Jonathan K. Peney, 22, of Marietta, Ga., died June 1 in Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when he was shot by enemy forces.

Danish Konstabel Sophia Brunn died in Afghanistan on June 1, while on patrol, when her vehicle hit an IED.

British Marine Scott Gregory Taylor, 20, of Buxton England, died in Afghanistan on June 1, while on foot patrol due to the explosion of an IED.

British Marine Anthony Dean Hotine died in Afghanistan on June 2 while on patrol as a result of an explosion, probably an IED.

US Army Pvt. Francisco J. Guardado-Ramirez, 21, of Sunland Park, N.M., died June 2 in Iraq, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident.

The first year, I looked blankly at my supervisor until she said “Decoration Day.” Ah, the old name, for decorating the graves. That small town in Kansas had no war memorial. Only a cemetery suddenly a-blossom in sprays of plastic that would soon fade in the blistering summer sun.

And all through the month of May, I’d lift down those boxes of pink, yellow, white and impossibly blue roses, daisies, dahlias and lilies. I’d put them in the arms of little old women or occasionally younger women. Viet Nam was not over. Sometimes there were tears in those older eyes. Today, there are tears in mine.

Decoration Day. No plastic here, but royal shades of iris that will dye any stones they fall upon. Like bloodstains deified, an estate Roman emperors once aspired to ages ago. Who is so enshrined in YOUR heart today? Is there a Gold Star emblazoned upon your soul?

And today, the count for Afghanistan alone, for America alone, hit one thousand. I got an email asking me to post my unhappiness on the White House Facebook Wall in the form of a flower. I am not a Facebook member, nor will I be. Those of you who are, feel free to jump with the linkage.

I write letters. They are unanswered. I light candles and launch curses.
Yes, I AM just that kind of pagan. But hey, if Facebook works for you, go to it.

US Marine Lance Cpl. Christopher Rangel, 22, of San Antonio, Texas, died May 6 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

US Marine Lance Cpl. Joshua M. Davis, 19, of Perry, Iowa, died May 7 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan

US Army Capt. Kyle A. Comfort, 27, of Jacksonville, Ala., died May 8 in Helmand province, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device.

US Army Spc. Jeremy L. Brown, 20, of McMinnville, Tenn., died May 9 in Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit using small arms fire.

US Marine Cpl. Kurt S. Shea, 21, of Frederick, Md., died May 10 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

Cpl. Christopher Lewis Harrison, 26, of Watford, England was killed on May 9 by an IED explosion in Afghanistan.

The following U.S. Marines died May 11 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan:

Cpl. Jeffery W. Johnson, 21, of Tomball, Texas,
Sgt. Kenneth B. May, Jr., 26, of Kilgore, Texas.

US Marine Sgt. Donald J. Lamar II, 23, of Fredericksburg, Va., died May 12 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

US Marine Sgt. Joshua D. Desforges, 23, of Ludlow, Mass., died May 12 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan.

US Army Spc. Denis D. Kisseloff, 45, of Saint Charles, Mo., died May 14 at Forward Operating Base Shank, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when his unit was attacked with rocket propelled grenades and small arms fire.

US Navy Petty Officer Zarian Wood, 29, of Houston, Texas, died May 16 in Helmand Province, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained from an improvised explosive device blast while on dismounted patrol. Wood was assigned as a hospital corpsman to a Marine Battalion.

!!And remember, if you wish to comment successfully, you must scroll down BELOW the comment box and fill out the spam filter box. If you cannot read it, click the box for an audible spam filter to hear and type. Otherwise, your comment will not appear.!!

US Army Sgt. Dillon B. Foxx, 22, of Traverse City, Mich., died Feb. 5 in Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when enemy forces attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device.

Capt. John Palmlov, 28, of Sundbyberg, Sweden and
Lt. Gunnar Anderson, 31, of Stockholm, Sweden both died in Afghanistan in a firefight on February 7th.

Cpl Johnathan Moore, 22, of Lanarkshire, Scotland and
Pvt Sean McDonald, 27, of Edinborough, Scotland both died in Afghanistan of wounds from an IED detonation on February 7th.

WO2 David Markland, 36, of East Lancashire, England died in Afghanistan on February 8th, when an IED exploded.

Pvt Enguerrand Libaert, 20, of Lyon, France died February 9th, in a firefight in Afghanistan.

US Army Sgt. Adam J. Ray, 23, of Louisville, Ky., died Feb. 9 in southern Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device. (local post soldier)

US Army Pfc. Adriana Alvarez, 20, of San Benito, Texas, died Feb. 10 in Baghdad, of injuries sustained while supporting combat operations.

Late additions:
LCpl Darren Hicks, 29 of Cornwall, England, died in Afghanistan on February 11 when an IED detonated.

Cpl Joshua Caleb-Baker, 24 of Edmonton, Canada, died in Afghanistan in a training range accident on February 12.

LSgt Dave Greenhalgh, 25, of Derbyshire, England, died in Afghanistan on February 13, when his vehicle hit an IED.

US Marine Cpl. Jacob H. Turbett, 21, of Canton, Mich., died Feb. 13 while supporting combat operations in Afghanistan.

US Army Spc. Brushaun X. Anderson, 20, of Columbus, Ga., died Jan. 1 in Iraq, of wounds suffered from a non-combat related incident. He died of wounds suffered when attacked by an unknown assailant.

US Air Force Senior Airman Bradley R. Smith, 24, of Troy, Ill., died Jan. 3 in Afghanistan, of wounds sustained while supporting combat operations

The following three US Army personnel died Jan. 3, in Afghanistan, when their position was attacked with multiple IEDs and small arms fire:

Sgt. Joshua A. Lengstorf, 24, of Yoncalla, Ore.

Spc. Brian R. Bowman, 24, of Crawfordsville, Ind.

Pvt. John P. Dion, 19, of Shattuck, Okla.

Pvt. Robert Hayes, 19, of England, died Jan. 3 in Afghanistan, when an IED exploded as his security patrol passed.

US Army Spc. David A. Croft Jr., 22, of Plant City, Fla., died Jan. 5 in Iraq, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device and small arms fire.

So, it was with considerable surprise as I wrapped my mind around this complex version of time keeping to figure out when Nekysia falls this year.  Surprise!  It is in August.  My plan this year, besides the usual cleaning of the monument and addition of more counting beads at need, was to read the entire list of names of U.S. and Coalition dead for both Iraq and Afghanistan out at the Labyrinth altar.  The last time I read my entire list was 2005; there are more than twice as many names now.

Since late summer weather can be unpredictable, I never take my carefully tabulated books outside.  So I am copying the names.  One slip of paper per name.  Each slip will be read and dropped into a brazier of coals  and fragrant woods beside me.  But first, I must write them all down.  I began last night.  Each stack of paper on the table you see is 500 sheets high.  Hail to the honored dead!

The ritual goes like this as the temperature climbs with the morning sun: I make coffee and while it seeps through the filter, I set the sprinkler to its rounds on the Walk of the Fallen. I drink coffee, check email and reply to message board posts while the ferrets ravage the house, steal my bras from the laundry hamper and hide treats under the bathroom armoire. I drink a frozen protein fruit smoothie for breakfast.

And out to the dappled shade of the Labyrinth I go, bucket and tool in red natril gloved hands.
The wooly thyme and Irish moss (and less pedigreed normal moss) and the ground cover called “Brass Buttons” is all allowed free rein to wander amidst the stones. It does not impede walking or vision and can be scissor cut clear. But the violets are violently leaping up in the moss interlaced interstices of the walk and when fall rains come, they and the sneaky clover hidden amidst the moss, will grow tall enough to obscure the stones. And then, on some grief-soaked heavy-listed day, distracted into forgetting my song, I will suddenly stand becalmed like a small gray sailboat on my own labyrinth—frozen like Lot’s wife. I have to focus there, even so familiar as it is, or I am stricken with the sheer continuation of it all. So, starting at center, round I go, pulling infant violets and some of the larger parents too near the stones. I tug out the clover, too, often ripping phlox, moss, and thyme bits with it. Normal weeds get less mercy still—even scorpion grass, the wild forget-me-nots, are ripped with glee.

A crow sits above me and converses with himself about the idiocy of me duck-walking round the stones as noon approaches with solar fury. I make a note to attack the small patch of weedy grass between the Walk and the Honey House tomorrow morning. Finally, bucket full, and the stones in the sun beginning to steam off the morning’s water, I go to dump the bucket of greenery into the little pond in the goose enclosure. Their “Hey…get out of our space” honking turns to anticipatory murmurs as I turn and they contemplate their lunch.

Now, having begun at the heart of my daily life, with the best maintained part of the gardens, I will move outward to attack the rest. Order will be restored. I am grounded in the element of Earth…even thru gloves, it is beneath my fingernails sinking into me. And the cycle goes on and on and on…month after month. My piece of the planet owns me day by day. And like a captivated lover…..I submit.